


... and I am not who I was ... I am not done with my changes

by i_am_zan



Series: 49 Days [3]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:05:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7658485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_zan/pseuds/i_am_zan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bookman Junior thinks about the person who breached the walls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	... and I am not who I was ... I am not done with my changes

He who wandered all his life, never staying long enough in one place, there in her face, from those tears and the pain in her eyes was the polar opposite. This was her ‘home’, the bastion of all she knew and loved. Happenstance that they caught each other’s glance. It would be a lie if he said he was unaffected by the soul-tearing heartsickness in that look. He felt that he was intruding upon her grief especially since he could not understand it. He who wandered all his life. 

His first friend at the Order - and if he were honest with himself the first to put the hammer and chisel to the walls so carefully built up over the years, through every battle, skirmish and every layer of his names. But he discounted it, paid it no mind, at the time naive thinking that he had a lot of layers to go through, he’d get over it.

Lenalee counted everyone a comrade, with a special place for Kohmui of course. She knew everyone and made it her mission to find out about everyone - being the Supervisor’s sister was very useful. So, even before he was found to be compatible with innocence and himself uncertain of his future of any role he would play at the Order, she’d find him and talk to him when he was hanging out with the Science Division, because sometimes it was good to have a change from watching-witnessing-recording-learning history. Besides these guys, they were kind of fun in a weird and wonderful way. 

When he was equipped with the Iron Hammer, she was his first training partner too. Watching her fly through the air, faster than even his trained eye could track, it was beautiful. He also remembered not to be too obviously awed, not just because Bookman was watching her too next to him, but he wanted to live long and not die a dastardly death visited upon him by her brother. 

She also saved his life, from Kanda just itching to run him through with Mugen just because, just because he’d called the swordsman by his first name. Did it sound strange, to consider them men and women? Himself included. With the life experiences he’s had with the added fact that he’d travelled half the world already and learning that both Lenalee and Kanda were Exorcists with the Order since young, seasoned soldiers by the time they’d met. It would just be an insult to consider them anything but. 

He was amazed not just by her skill with her Innocence, but also her strength, in everything that she did, to everything that she put her mind to, she poured her heart and soul into. As it was, with him being Bookman-in-training he was doing his damndest trying to balance being a so-called ‘Apostle of God’ and not to fall too far or too deep into being an Exorcist. Half-arsed is the term he would used, if he were honest with himself. If he were to be truly honest with himself that is.

But when she pats him on the shoulder and says, “You’re our comrade now and we only want to protect you.” His voice catches in his throat, his eye wavers in its focus and he is thrown into confusion as to who he really is.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, a really short piece and I just made about my personal deadline. Phew!  
> If it's your birthday today ... Happy Birthday! ^_~  
> The title is from a Stanley Kunitz poem, called 'The Layers' - find it read it and feel it resonate with Lavi and his evolution as a person developing a heart. 
> 
> Thank you everyone who is reading my work, because you are so loved. - Zan


End file.
